my own little world.

...that's what i'm in. A selfish, "lonely" world.

i sat here forever just deciding what to blog about, and nothing came to mind other than what i'm actually struggling with. (funny how that works, eh?) Therefore, this may turn into more of a "rant," so you can save yourself and stop here if you want. :)

so here it is: obviously, if you're close enough to me to be reading this, you know that about 7 months ago, I broke up with matt, after 3 years. The heartbreak, I'm over, but the feeling of being alone, not so much. Life seemed so great initially, but as I got back into routine, it got more difficult. Coming home now, isn't nearly the same. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being with my family, and with my best friends, but something doesn't sit well with me when I'm alone. When I'm alone, I think. and when I think, I think way too much. I now know why I keep myself extra busy at school.

Going to UMHB, it's a common occurance for people to meet "the one" and be engaged by senior year. And while that all seems so awesome, the process of getting there is tough. Although I'd like to say I have completely given this aspect of my life up to God and I'm letting Him take the reins, I can't say that. I feel like coming into this semester, alone, I had a void in the place Matt used to fill. With that void, it was easy to try and "fill it," which would mean my focus was completely, selfishly, turned toward filling the void, with a guy, and not with God, my one true love, my creator, my savior. It also meant trying to fill the void with a guy, instead of girlfriends who would lift me up and encourage me, girls that "get it." In fact, I neglected those friendships, all semester, and I hurt a lot of people, and myself through this process. I think that is really easy for any girl in my position to do. Being "alone" is a scary, scary place after not being "alone" for so long. And while I'd like to think I've had a lot of faith in this area of my life, I've been reassured that I haven't. There are weeks when not a day goes by when my mind isn't constantly focused on finding "the one" which always ends up putting me in a bad mood, (which I've come to realize is completely dumb because I'm SOOO young, and I have SOOOO much more to live for than that) and if I'd had faith in His plan, that wouldn't happen.

Last night, I read through 2 Timothy chapter 2. Verse 13 states that "if we are faithless, He remains faithful." and that's so absolutely encouraging. I love how God knows every struggle and every heartache, and how His word always says something so relevant that just takes me right to where I need to be. I know that God's always got me, always. One of my favorite songs is "Your Hands" by JJ Heller. It's got a line that states, "Your hands that made the world, are holding me. They hold me still." and I'm so glad that little things like this reassure me that I'm going to be okay. :) I've got girls at school that will always be waiting with open arms, and I know they love me, even through my selfishness sometimes. Jill and Auds, I love you both, SO much :) and the rest of my girlfriends, y'all are great! I can't wait to get back and have lots of girls nights and sleepovers.

I'm just grateful for God's unending grace and faithfulness, His unfailing love, and the way He is truely greater and stronger than any struggle I have. He always finds a way to put me in complete awe, and make me feel completely secure. It's wonderful.

In other news, I'm completely obsessed with Christmas time. I'm pretty sure I've looked at lights like 5 nights since I've been home. I've gone Christmas shopping pretty much everyday. Today was baking day in the Moon household, smells delish. You could say, I'm a little excited for the holidays :)

I think that's all I've got for now. Be blessed! :)